On Living and Dying

For the last few weeks, Mauser hasn't been doing well. He's had an intestinal bacterial infection that the vet likened to colic in babies. His arthritis has been getting worse, and on Monday, his front legs gave out, and he fell down the outside steps.

He's 11, and for a few days, I wasn't sure he'd give me my wish: to give us at least one good year. But, he rallied late during the week of his adoption day (September 20), and until this last Monday afternoon, it seemed like he might give us far more than a year.

Watching him is more than tough. I cry before work, I cry at night before bed, I tell him goodbye and that I love him every time I leave or go to bed.

I knew when we adopted a 10-year old dog with arthritis that it would be tough at some point. I just didn't think it would be this tough.

He had been eating chicken and pasta three times a day, and was still spunky enough to spit out the pasta when he only wanted chicken. So, we fed him what he wanted, when he wanted.

The vet added pain medicine, so I don't think he's in pain.

Last week, he wouldn't do his business, so I called the vet. They gave him fluids, did x-rays, lab work, and sent him home with more pain meds. The vet said his spinal arthritis is really bad, and since he came home, he's refused to eat. We've tried beef, beef liver, bison, chicken, hash browns, nothing. He won't stand up, he won't move, he won't eat or drink.

This is heartbreaking, and I wish I could do more for him. I hope he knows he is loved. I know he knows, but I keep telling him that so I know he knows.

He had a great year, with lots of adventures, lots of treats, and lots of love.

I don't know his past, but I know he had lots of love with us. I just wish I could've given him more.

Take a few minutes, and hug your dogs for me tonight!


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